Flash of Thought

I’m sorry. I just really suck at writing Dick Grayson. :c

Bruce tries the door for the third time in five minutes. “Dick.”

“No.” His eldest’s voice is muffled- still he can hear that frantic edge to it. He hears someone grunt, probably Jason. “No.”

“Dick, come out.”

“No.”

“Dick.”

“No.”

He can hear the muffled sounds of movement on the other side, and wonders for the twentieth time in the last two minutes if it really would be a bad idea to break down the door.

-

Dick can feel his heart pounding. Logically, he knows this is the fear gas. But fuck logic- he can’t-

Dick shushes Jason who’s trying to break his hands to get free of the bonds and no, no, no, no, no, that’s not supposed to happen so Dick nerve strikes him. Damian is glaring but he has to understand, he has to-

Tim just watches him.

Don’t blame him. Don’t.

You don’t understand. You don’t understand. I can’t lose you too. I can’t. I can’t. Not again. You always leave and what if you don’t come back, this time?

Logically, Dick knows it’s the fear gas. But logically- he also knows this.

They’re going to leave him. Like his Mom and Dad and he’s going to be alone. They’re going to outgrow him, go far, far, far away and never come back.

Jason left.

Tim left.

Damian left.

It’s only a matter of time before they leave and never come back.

And when they come back there’s always less of them. Leaving bits and pieces of themselves elsewhere. Outgrowing Dick and their skins and Gotham and Dick can’t lose them.

You don’t understand. Dick curls around Tim, hands shaking as he presses his face to Tim’s shoulder, eyes fixed on the door. He watches as Bruce tries it for the fourth time in five minutes. You don’t understand. Dick can’t be alone. He doesn’t do well alone. He’s not like them. He’s not strong enough to be alone. He needs people, he needs his brothers. Even if they don’t need him.

They’re his just as much as they’re Batman’s. They’re Robins. And he knows he sucks at showing it, but he loves them. So much it hurts because he knows that they don’t know.

Dick nearly chokes on air, on panic, on logic as he thinks about what will happen if they leave.

What if Tim leaves- and looses more than a spleen?

What if Jason leaves- and…boom?

What if Damian leaves- and realizes that he doesn’t have to come back?

What if they leave- and realize that- that-

They never needed him, it was Dick who needed them?