A Four Letter Word for - What?!?

Title: A Four Letter Word for – What?!?
Pairing: Bruce/Tim
Rating: PG13
A/N: Bless u, ate ali, for explaining this to me. Buahahaha.
Snippet: “You have achieved,” Dick says, sounding like he’s a little bit in shock, “What all of Gotham wanted. Oh my god, Tim. You are the one. You did it.”

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Q:Omg, sorry about that. Is this the ask?? I thought that was the ask (silly me xp) sooo, Actors AU please :D

nesomoxian

Dick is actually an asshole, Jason thinks as the older man proceeds to make funny faces at him while he’s attempting to act through an emotionally trying scene.

“Jesus – ” Jason cuts off, glaring at Dick, as he attempts to not laugh, “Can you not do this? I can’t work with this asshole!”

Of course, that’s when Dick puts on his most serious face.

Actors. Don’t trust them. They are lying liars who lie for a profession.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You are!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“What are you two, five?” Tim buts in as he moves in to fix Jason’s make-up. “Dick, stop making Jason laugh. It’s messing up the blood on his face.”

“Yeah, Dick, you’re fucking up my mortally wounded scene, here. Don’t you have your own scene to be prepping for?”

“But, Jay,” Dick gasps, “This is the most emotional scene. I have to be here to see this happen – “

“Out.” Cass says, narrowing her eyes at Dick from the director’s chair, “You are ruining my grand vision.”

“You heard the lady.” Steph says, idly checking the camera, “You’re ruining her vision, pretty boy.”

Tim rolls his eyes and steps back, apparently satisfied with the amount of gore on Jason’s face, “Let’s go, Dick, I have to get started on your prosthetics, anyway.”

Cass gives Tim a fist bump as he herds Dick off set.

“Okay.” Cass claps her hands, “From the beginning then.”

Q:Hospital AU?

Anonymous

“You have a crush on your doctor, come on Tim, you don’t have to lie to me.”

“You also have a crush on my doctor, Steph. I’m pretty sure everyone in this building has a crush on my doctor.”

“Well yes. He’s Dr. Sexy. It’s hard not to drool a little bit. Were you this cute when we were dating? Hey – does Conner know about this?”

“Why would Conner know about this?”

“So he could mock you for it, obviously.”

“How are we even friends?” Tim idly picks at the sad hospital sheets, and he’s so glad Steph brought him some sweaters from his apartment. “I’ll be out soon. Maybe.”

Stephanie’s eyes soften as she takes his hand, “You will be, Tim. And we’ll have a huge party to celebrate. Bart’s been taking care of the plants in your apartment. They miss you.”

“The plants are plastic.”

“They miss you.” Steph repeats, squeezing his hand, “We miss you.”

“I miss you guys, too. Tell everyone I said hi, okay?”

There’s a soft knock on the door, both of them startle, looking up -

“I’m sorry to intrude, but it’s time to take another x-ray.”

“Ah, yes.” Tim convinces himself that he isn’t blushing and Steph is blatantly laughing at him with her eyes. “Thank you, Dr. Wayne. Um. I’ll see you later, Steph.”

“Have fun, Tim.” Steph sing-songs, smacking a kiss to his temple, “See you next week.”

Q:Au having to do with wings?

Anonymous

“You know what, you’re stupid. You are all stupid. I hate you.” Tim presses his face into his hands and wills himself to sink into the earth.

“Your wings say otherwise.” Tim feels Jason run a finger along the edge of one of them, feels them flutter in response. Stupid, stupid wings. “Aw, shit. Glitter.”

“It isn’t glitter.” Tim snaps, wills his stupid, stupid pixie wings to stop fluttering.

“They’re fairy dust.” Dick laughs, “And you love us. You know it. You’re just embarrassed because you’re stuck in the fairy division.”

“No self respecting person is happy in the fairy division. The fairy division is where people go to slowly grow insane and turn into manic, crying, lunatics.” Tim gestures towards himself, “I’m not ready to turn into a manic, crying, lunatic.”

“Your friends are in the fairy division.” Jason points out, wings rustling behind him.

“My friends are poor examples of sane and socially acceptable people.” Tim reminds them. “I’m pretty sure that the only reason why the fairy division isn’t in some sort of lab or testing facility is because the scientists don’t want to go anywhere near Bart when he’s ingested any form of sweetener.”

Dick and Jason grimace. Tim’s wings flutter sadly. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Jason surreptitiously take a step away and shake his wings out, little bits of – let’s face it – glitter twinkling in the light. His wings flit dejectedly. Like they have their own personality.

That’s just what Tim has always wanted.

Wings with attitude.

Lovely.

Q:Amusement park AU? Pizza shop AU? Lifeguard AU? Space cowboys AU?

secretinternetbox

“He comes here every tuesday, I swear.” Dick says, snagging Tim’s arm. “It’s suspicious. I think he’s stalking you.”

“Why me?” Tim whispers, because if Steph or – god forbid- Jason hears the word stalker they will descend like avenging furies and there will be a lawsuit or five.

“He keeps looking at you!”

“Tuesday is oddly specific. If he was a stalker, and I’m not saying he is, wouldn’t he be more obvious about it?”

“Yeah, you’d know.” Dick replies after a moment, “I never did figure out how you – “

“Can we not talk about my formative years?”

“Are we talking about Tim’s formative years?” Jason says, carrying a tray of breadsticks out from the back, “Boy were those some creepy times.”

“Can we not?” Tim hisses as he picks at some dried tomato sauce on the counter. “Jay, can you get more of the pepperoni pinwheels?”

“The point is,” Dick grabs Jason’s wrist and drags him over to their little circle of whispers and secrets and embarrassment, “Tim has a stalker. Maybe.”

“No,” Tim yanks Jason back when he turns around to look, “You are not getting us another law suit. I am not studying law school for this, I am not studying law school to become the family’s defense attorney. No.”

“It was only one assault charge.” Jason mutters, “And how do we know it’s a stalker?”

“It isn’t.”

“He comes every Tuesday and keeps looking at Tim.”

“Isn’t Tuesday a little oddly specific?” Steph says, shoving her way into the circle, “Tim, Cass has an order of iced coffees she needs filled and you’re the only one who makes the coffee around here not taste like piss.”

“Why do you know what piss tastes like?” Tim asks, even as Steph shoves him towards the coffee maker.

“Well, on Tuesdays it’s the day before Tim’s laundry day.” Dick tells Steph, “And he’s oddly routine in that he always wears the same pair of pants on Tuesdays because he’s out of all the other things he normally wears.”

The trio look over at him and that’s so not true. These just happen to be his only uniform pants left and -

“They kind of make him look obscene.” Steph says, squinting at him, “I accept this premise. It’s totally a stalker.”

“It isn’t.”

No one is listening to Tim anymore. It’s just another Tuesday.

Q:I'm wracking my brain, Miss Hearts, but I don't think you've done anything with mad scientists or brilliant inventors yet. Would that work?

elizabethjdean

“You have yourself to blame for your horrible life choices.”

Bruce sighs as Jason walks around the lab – “Weren’t you supposed to be going through testing?”

“Nah, Tim’s in testing right now. All the other little lab geeks love him, yanno? They don’t even realize he’s got them wrapped around his little finger. Hey – for the next bot you make, can you make him less of a manipulative freak?”

“Tim is not manipulative.” Bruce says, “I merely programmed him to adapt to situations better – “

“Pfft.” Dick cartwheels in, stopping in a hand-stand, “That’s a really nice way of putting it. And I think I broke one of my joints – B, fix it. Please?”

“What did you do this time?” Bruce swears that Dick breaks his parts on purpose just to annoy him. Jason helps Dick up onto the repairs table, shoving aside various projects in the process.

(Tim is actually going to rip them apart for that. He spent the entire morning cataloging and sorting Bruce’s work space.)

“Well.” Dick says, in an voice that promises a headache and complete regret over ever creating the first autonomous AI.

“Never mind. I don’t want to know.”

“Good call, B.” Jason says, head tilted as he listens in on the network, probably. Bruce is going to figure out how to keep Jason from eavesdropping, one day. “Hey, Tim’s out of testing. Or, should I say that Tim’s done playing with your little henchmen?”

“The next AI I make is going to be polite.” Bruce vows, just as Tim hi-jacks one of the computer monitors to spell out -

I do not play with the employees, Jason.

The doors slide open a few seconds later, and Bruce blinks at Tim’s exposed circuitry. Jason wolf whistles – “Jesus, Tim, you flash everyone in this joint?”

Tim shoots Jason a blank look – Bruce still hasn’t figured out if Tim’s emoting program isn’t working or if Tim is just perpetually choosing to wear a poker face – before turning to Bruce, “My paneling broke during today’s compression test. May I please get a replacement?”

Bruce waves his hand towards where the parts are, “You know the codes. And get me a replacement knee joint for Dick, please.”

Tim bobs his head, even as Dick and Jason gape – “You told him your security codes! B, not fair!”

“I trust Tim with being able to repair himself.” Bruce says, examining Dick’s knee, “Besides, he always asks before using it.”

Q:AU how about a sci-fi au? set in a spaceship/spacestation? someone an android/alien...

rakefet666

“I should probably be angry with you.” Bruce says, staring at his only daughter, light of his life, and source of at least half the ulcer he’s going to develop. “You found a child.”

“Yes.” Cass says, “I’m keeping him. He’s sweet.”

“I’m not sweet.” The boy hisses, trying to escape Cass’s hand when she latches onto him to keep him from running away. “Lemme go!”

“Does he have a name?”

Bruce is one hundred percent done with even attempting to moderate his children. It’s a fight that just isn’t worth it. As proven by Dick when he go a mullet.

“He says his name is Jason.” Cass replies, “And he’s from the original Earth colony. I don’t think he’s lying.”

“Lemme go!” Jason is attempting to pry Cass’ fingers off his arm and Bruce is just -

“That’s interesting. Perhaps you should have asked him before taking him aboard the ship and smuggling him out into deep space?” Just a suggestion. Cass stares up at him.

“But where else would he go?”

Bruce is an orphan magnet and he doesn’t know how it happened. It’s like every time he turns around there’s a new child staring up at him with wide sad eyes and -

“Excuse me?”

Jason and Cassandra pause, lean around Bruce to get a look at the doorway. Bruce turns around and sees -

A little boy with wide eyes -

“I lost my parents and I don’t know where I am.”

Bruce hears Jason mutter, join the fucking club – language, they’re going to have to work on language – and Cass lets out a small high pitched noise of delight.

“What’s your name?” Bruce says, hopes to god that this one actually has parents and is not the strange product of his orphan magnetism, and kneels down as the boy shuffles forward.

“I’m Tim. And my parents were supposed to pick me up at the last port before we passed Jupiter, but they never came and I don’t know what to do because my au pair just said they’d pick me up before Jupiter, but it’s almost Neptune and -“

Bruce blinks – “You’re here by yourself?”

Tim sniffles, eyes watering as he bobs his head.

Jesus, Bruce thinks. What is the world coming to?

Q:Teacher AU? :3

Anonymous

“I’m sorry, you want me to what?” Tim says, incredulous, looking over his shoulder to check and make sure that Steph isn’t actually talking to someone who miraculously materialized behind him during the conversation. “I think I misheard you. I could’ve sworn you just asked me to teach children.”

“Teenagers, Tim. Teenagers. Big difference.”

“Do you realize that the word anger is in teenager? Steph – there is an age bracket. You know this.” In great detail. Tim is good with people under thirteen and over eighteen. Anyone in between is debatable and probably prone to Tim thinking horrible thoughts of disappointment and kids these days. “That is a horrible idea. You want me to teach teenagers.”

“Jason teaches.”

“Jason teaches college literature courses and is crazy. Do you know his reviews on rate my professor?”

As if summoned by the mere mention of his name, Jason bursts into Tim’s room, throws a stack of essays onto his floor and snarls, “Grade this bullshit for me and I’ll clean the bathroom and kitchen floor to goddamned ceiling. I’m going for some cigarettes because these people are idiots who can’t grasp symbolism.”

Tim makes a gesture towards the doorway and the essays as Jason storms out of the apartment like a mini-elephant. Tim regrets accepting Jason’s offer to share an apartment. Thanks for the warning, Dick.

“Do you see this? Does he look happy to you?”

“Jason never looks happy. Unless he’s slowly eviscerating someone’s soul from their body.” Steph waves a dismissing hand, “Besides. Conner will be working with us – he teaches bio.”

“Yes, great. You forget the part where I don’t have a teaching license.”

“Don’t lie.”

“There’s no subject I could teach.”

“They have a psychology spot open. If not that, you could always teach English. Or French. Or German. You realize this is the part where your many, many talents backfires on you, right?”

“I hated high school.” Tim says, “You know that, right? Why would I willingly go back to that horrible place?”

“Don’t over exaggerate. Besides. Conner and I will be there. Totally different. And now it’s your turn to inflict misery and create inappropriate crushes and fan clubs.”

“What?”

“I mean. Go get ready for a job interview.”

Untitled drabbles

Verse: Untitled. I don’t think I’ll continue it, though, so it’s not that important. Comes from this AU.
Pairing: Jason/Tim
Rating: PG13
Snippet: “You’re famous.” Tim says, and Jason nods because he kind of is. “I can’t believe I missed this. I’m supposed to be observant and smart. I’m an artist, for god’s sake. It’s my job to notice things. But oh, my, god.”

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